Aeroplane

The other day I saw an airplane flying in the sky. Now, I know this is an everyday occurrence for most people, but for some reason I took more notice to it than normal. Anytime I see a plane flying the question that always pops into my head is " I wonder where it is heading?" and for some reason the other day I took that even further.

I began to think of this airplane and where it's destination was. I thought about the people who were on it and their reason for that flight. Were they heading to a vacation and filled with elation, were they heading back from a trip and dreading returning to the real world? Maybe someone was on a business trip and missing his/her family. Were there people who had family or friends in need and were on their way to help them? Was someone reuniting with someone far away that they hadn't seen in awhile? There were a billion possibilities. but all of them related to some type of human connection in my mind.

As I saw that plane, it made me think of the greatness of human relationships. What makes the world evolve is love and friendship. Connections are so important, they are essential to life. I know that I wouldn't be where I am today without all of the connections I have had in my lifetime. Each encounter with a person has done something to shape who I am.


I wish all of those people luck on their journeys, whatever they happen to be.

There are still nice people

So this past week I was in Macon, Missouri grading our state assessment tests. First, Macon is a small town so it was very different than I am used to. Which is besides the point, but my last day I am reeling in the fact that I get to come home and am so excited. I have checked out of the hotel, packed my car and am getting ready to leave for the middle school for the last time. Well I get in and turn my key and nothing happens. Of course I think it is a fluke, but alas as I try and try again it is not.

Well now, here I am stuck in the middle of nowhere, not knowing anyone and am stranded. This situation totally renewed my faith in people though. I was able to get so many people who were willing to help. My roommate at the hotel took me where I needed to go and so many people were willing to help. I had people giving me numbers of people to call, offering to help, calling their husbands to ask them about it, and offering me place to stay until I could get it figured out. With the help of all of these people and a nice man who actually helped me jumpstart the car, I was able to get back to Kansas City.

This experience reminded me of the good in people because often I tend to notice the bad stuff an not the good. I was able to take a bad situation and find the positive in it. I am so grateful to these people not only for helping me at that moment for helping me realize that people are genuinely good and willing to help and support.

Disappoint

So last night I was laying in bed and something hit me. I have finally realized why I have trouble with certain people. In my head I have a expectation of how things should go. If I say something or do something, there is a certain way that I think people should respond. I plan this all out in my head of exactly how it will go and look.

I have an expectation of what I want and more often than not, what I have as the perfect scenario in my head does not happen in real life. And so instead of being satisfied or thinking about what the person did do, I am upset about how they didn't do what I thought they should do.

I spend so much time focusing on what they didn't do, that I do not focus on what they did do. I spend so much time being disappointed that I don't notice the small things that people do for me because I am thinking about how it didn't meet my expectations. I finally realized that instead of being disappointed by what didn't happen I need to focus on what they did do and use that to make my decision.

I know this won't be easy for me because this is a habit I have had for a long time. But I know I need to be happy with what people do or say instead of focusing on how it didn't meet my expectations. But, for me to have the best relationships possible with everyone, I need to do this. It will only help myself and others.

A good cry

Why is it that a cry can make you feel so bad, yet so good?

Video Games

Why is it that the members of the male species are addicted to video games. I know so many adults that are addicted and I never knew where it started, but I realized today that is must be programmed in from the day they are born. Here I am sitting at Breanne's house babysitting and guess what I am doing....watching a six year old play video games. And not just play, but be glued to them for the last two hours. How can anyone do anything non-stop for that long, but somehow all males can do that with video games. It is so wierd to me. It can't be a learned behavior so it must be a male popluation gene that they get when they are created.

Needy

Needy- I looked up the definition because this a word I would use to describe myself and one I am sure others would also use--especially anyone who has been in a relationship (romantic or platonic). And here is what I found.

Wanting or needing affection, attention, or reassurance, especially to an excessive degree

Wow, if that dosen't describe me then I don't what else does, not so much attention but affection and reassurance. I am in constant need of affection and reassurance. I need those words of affirmation to help my self esteem. Which I know should come from inside, but for me it dosen't.

My question is where did that stem from? I had a normal childhood with a mom who told me she loved me everyday . I never felt that I was unloved in anyway, yet when it comes to relationships I am the "needy" person. I want to know everyday that someone cares and that I am still doing what they need me to. When I don't get that I tend to get worried and stressed. I start to think to much (which is not a good thing) and then begin to doubt myself. I am quite sure that this is not an attractive quality, but it is one that I can't seem to shake. I have times when I get better, but that nagging sense of needing is always there.

And with my current situation the idea of dating has me thinking more and more about that. When you are married, that person accepts you regardless, they have to. When you are beginning something, you have to really think alot more about yourself (positive and negative). And this is one of the those negative qualities that I am worried about getting in the way of my happiness.

I do think I have gotten better, thanks to my wonderful friend Al who has taught me a lot about myself. But, it is still there. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear it. Until then, I will continue to work on this, yet knowing I can improve but proably will always be that "needy" person. Not positve, but who I am.

Romance...does it exist

Romance... I have been thinking alot about that lately. Romance, or more lack there of, is a huge reason I am where I am currently. I have always been the hopeless romantic wanting someone to come in and sweep me off of my feet...yet it has never happened. I am beginning to worry that my idea of romanticism does not exist.

Have I watched too many romantic comedies? Have I read to many romance novels? The people in those roles are what I want. Someone I know loves me undoubtly. But does someone like that really exist? Someone who will love me despite my flaws and will treat me like I am the best thing in their life. Last night I lay in bed thinking about what romantic things I would want someone to do for me. I came up with a list, several I am sure that I have forgotten by now.

- Tell me they love me in the middle of the day for no reason
-Write me small love notes
-Write me a song
- Open my car door
- Tell me how much I mean to them
-Call just to tell me they are thinking of me
-Send me a card that is full of their hand written sentiments
-Bring me flowers for no reason whatsoever
-Brag to people about how their life is better because I am in it
-Plan and take me on a picnic
-Have a room lit by candlelight just for me
-To kiss me passionately every day.
-Keep a picture of me on their desk.
-Tell me I am beautiful.
- Cuddle with me on the couch.
-If I had a hard day, have a glass of wine and a bathtub waiting for me.

I know there are many more romantic things, basically I just want to know that someone cares. I think that romance keeps a relationship alive.

So I am wondering if someone who would do those things exists or I have gathered all of the fictionalized ideas from the media and created an expectation that can never be met? Hopefully there is someone who does exist and can meet those standards or maybe I am just being too selfish.